(A sleezy sax is heard in the background – something like the break in Bob Seger’s “Turn the Page”, which is not a sleezy song at all. Imagine a black and white film and a voice talking over the sleezy sax)
(Voice over: I should have known that when that dame called me my life was going to change for the impecunious worst.)
Movie opens in a bar in some remote Eastern Cape Holiday resort.
BEE Consultant (who is the hero of this whodunnit even though he’s not a private investigator): Yeah this is BEEConsultantGuy:
Caller: BEEConsultantGuy – this is Ashbleef from JollyTime Financial Services Company.
(Voice over: I had had dealings with JollyTime before – they’d call me every year to find the BEE points that didn’t exist in their company, which I had always done. Ashbleef was someone I had met a few times. She reported to FoolsRushIn and ChiselHeadTom)
BEE Consultant: What is it that is so important that JollyTime would interrupt my holiday in this remote Eastern Cape Village.
Ashbleef: We have fallen foul of the BEE Commission.
(Voice over: I choked on my beer, I knew of this Commission. Nasty people who were more concerned about racism and ownership than transformation. We could be in for a rough ride here)
BEE Consultant: I’ll be on the next plane home.
(Voice over: The next plane was a week away but she didn’t need to know that)
Scene changes to a meeting room in JollyTime’s offices. BEE Consultant is sitting in front of FoolsRushIn and Ashbleef.
FoolsRushIn: This is not a good situation BEEConsultantGuy. An ex-employee has told the commission that he never benefited from the staff trust that was used in the latest BEE certificate.
FoolsRushin hands over the Commission’s list of demands.
(BEE Consultant to the camera using the voice over voice: JollyTime was owned by two entities. The majority was a listed company on the London Stock Exchange, the balance was owned by a local black company. I had known about the staff trust but we had never used it for ownership purposes. I looked at the demands.)
BEE Consultant: They are presuming you are guilty. Asking for a list of “measured entities” that you did business with over the last year is an attempt to quantify the level of fronting.
(BEE Consultant to the camera using the voice over voice again: Of all the dirty tricks these people use! This is a presumption of guilt before establishing any facts. I knew what we were dealing with here. The question was could we use actual facts to change their pre-conceived presumption of guilt. I needed more intel)
BEE Consultant: How did this happen?
Ashbleef: There was an employee who was fired. He went to the CCMA who threw the case out, he then took it to the high court who also threw it out. Somehow he figured out that he could then take it to the BEE Commission.
(Voice over: It doesn’t take a genius to question why the actual BEE ownership was 20%, yet the certificate showed 24% ownership. “Mandated Investments!” I cursed, loudly.)
FoolsRushIn, visibly concerned: What are you saying?
(BEE Consultant to the camera: Mandated Investment are a permissible exclusion from ownership for listed entities. Could I set FoolsRushIn’s mind at ease?)
BEE Consultant: We excluded the mandated investments on the London Stock Exchange (LSE). The BEE codes are not prescriptive about where the entity is listed. All they say is you may exclude them and they provide “examples” of mandated investments. It’s a permissible exclusion. That’s where you get your extra 24%. I have the supporting documentation for this.
Scene is set at the verification agency. BEE Consultant sits with Labushane and Breezy at their offices.
Labushane: TooScared from the Commission wants to know about this BEE certificate we issued.
BEE Consultant: Yeah I know. What did you tell him?
(I had to tread carefully here. Labushane and Breezy were petrified of both SANAS and the Commission. The last thing they needed was this exposure.)
Breezy: We told him that the certificate was issued under IRBA and that the signatory had shuffled this mortal coil. He want to know about the trust.
BEE Consultant (spitting the words out): There ain’t no trust. There never was no trust. We used the mandated investments exclusion.
Labushane: I’ll call TooScared and tell him about the trust.
Phone rings in a dark office. The movie is still shot in black and white.
BEE Consultant: Yes!
Labushane: TooScared says he wants to know about this certificate. He knows there’s no trust.
BEE Consultant: Tell him to ask MortalCoilShuffled!
Labushane: He knows MortaCoilShuffled has shuffled on. He wants the supporting documentation.
BEE Consultant: Send him this. It explains the concept of mandated investments and what the mandated investments look like on the LSE.
(Voice over, sleezy sax picks up the tune: The Commission wants their scalp and will publicise whatever they want and when they want. Sure I spoke to TooScared a few times. I like him, but he's in no hurry to submit the final report. The BEE scorecard in question has long expired and no damage has been done. We could only hope that they would accept the opinion and possibly make a ruling. My job is to interpret the BEE codes and provide the supporting documentation. I write opinions that support my interpretations. It’s the rule of the game. I have learned that you run it past the verification agency first. But if you are looking for information on the LSE then you should go to Office for National Statistics. Easy to navigate and the information is all there. That’s why you should exclude international mandated investments)
The movie ends with Metallica playing Bob Seger's "Turn the Page"
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